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Gone…

It’s the moment parents look forward to, or at least, they think they do…the moment the house is quiet and mom’s taxi/messenger company is no longer in service.  No one really prepared me for what that would feel like.  To no longer be needed every second of every day.  To no longer have to calm fears and rescue catastrophes.  To shift gears from my main reason for existence for the last 24 years.  There is no doubt, I was tired and thought I was ready and would welcome this new chapter, but the feelings lurking deep inside (“do I still matter” and “am I still loved when I am not needed”) try to grab my attention more and more often.

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Two things are helping me through this new phase of life…
The first (also most important and most effective) is reminding myself of how God sees me.  He knew me long before I was a momma and created me for more than that one purpose.  I have gifts and things to offer those around me that no one else can in exactly the same way.  My life experiences, good and bad, mistakes and triumphs, have given me a unique perspective and a rich resource of empathy and compassion.  I am not perfect and I am finally at a place in life where I realize that’s ok and that fact is even useful and beautiful…God uses our brokenness to touch the hearts of others and come alongside them as they heal their own hurts and fears.  This is my new calling, my new mission, my new purpose.  I adore my children and miss them beyond words…I will always be here for them, but now my eyes have been opened to a panoramic view of the deep need and heart’s cry of the souls around me.  I see the pain in the eyes of a stranger passing by in Walmart, the longing for companionship in the eyes of my elderly neighbor who recently lost her husband to cancer, the deep need for acceptance in the eyes of a young woman with screaming kids in tow at the grocery store.  And now I no longer pass by oblivious to this body language that broadcasts the condition of a heart…my heart now pauses and responds.

Second is filling the new “free time vacuum” with something that fills my need for creativity, comradery, and success.  And that’s where Lilla Rose comes in.  I joined 2 years ago just looking for a way to pay for my horse (board, vet bills, farrier, etc) but I had no idea that it would fill this void in such a powerful and genuine way.  I have new lifelong friends and get to encourage and support fellow team members.  I have met so many beautiful hearts along the way…customers, each with a story of their own, a burden to bear, a road to travel.  Lilla Rose gives us a reason for our paths to cross and our hearts to share.  It wasn’t planned or contrived or even dreamed of, but it fulfills my calling, my mission, and my purpose.  I love my family, my friends, my team members, my customers, and my Lilla Rose..and I know that is just as my life was intended to be.  Thank you for being a part of the beautiful fabric of this thing called life…and  may your heart beat “forever young”…

 

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